Wow, 3 weeks already passed since I wrote my first post…glad I didn’t hold myself to a schedule! To be fair to myself, it has been a bit of a hectic few weeks in life, for both good and not so good reasons. I’m also still chatting to people here-and-there who read the first post and wanted to chat about it, which I really enjoy.
One of the first questions that’s asked when catching up though is, “so…how is life then?”. It’s a fair question, and I’m aware I never delved into a lot of detail on life at the moment. Partly because some aspects of life probably warrant entire posts themselves. Partly because, how do you begin to answer that question?
I feel like the easiest way to tackle this going forward is to make little end-of-month recap posts of things that were key to me that month, highlights and lowlights.
First though, it’s probably important to give at least some info as a starting base of what’s even going on in life. So…What does life look like for Joe B?
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Where am I?
Back in Old Kernow
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I’m currently spending my days in my homeland of Cornwall. After having left and dotted around for a few years, I moved back at the start of 2020. Despite every intention, I never managed to hit the road again (I blame the global pandemic in part) and a few months have managed to roll into almost 6 years.
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore Cornwall. Part of the issue with moving is that it’s very hard to find somewhere as great to live, at least in the UK – Scotland and (at a push) Cardiff are the only real contenders.
Godrevy lighthouse, about 15 minutes from mine
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The Eden Project
I think I just struggle with the idea of becoming stagnant, particularly as someone who thrives on forward movement, learning, growing, developing, etc. It’s weird, I’ve always been keen to move away again and have definitely purposely tried on many occasions. It’s always just never felt right or ever worked out, so far.
Also, from a Christian perspective, I feel like every time I’ve sought direction or asked for help opening/closing doors when trying to move, I’ve felt called to stay, or a door has been closed for me.
I’m still fighting with itchy feet and the idea of settling where I am, and am keen for moving again. But in the mean time, I’m loving Cornish life, appreciating the beauty I have around me and the rugged freedom of the south west.
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What/Who am I?
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Spreadsheet Goblin:
I currently work for a design studio called Studio Haran, as their Operations and Development Manager. ‘How did you end up there?’ and ‘what does your job title mean?’ are both great questions, that I’m still trying to work out the answer to.
I originally joined to do some temp Christmas work, whilst between jobs. Then January came and I went back. Then, after being inquisitive(/nosy) about the business’ processes, why things are done a certain way, why not this/that way, I ended up chatting with the owners and agreed to stick around to help run/develop the business side of the studio.
The best one phrase summary I give when explaining what I do is ‘my job is to allow the creatives to create‘. Basically I take on anything and everything business/operations wise that I can, to free up the owners to be able to design and make sick stuff, which is what they started the studio to do.
I absolutely love my job, I get to help run and develop a small business, work for some awesome people that care about what they do and the people that work for them, and get to hang out with an amazing team of people everyday.
There’s a LOT of spreadsheets, which I love. Some phone calls, which I love less. I’ve learnt things in the world of ceramics that I never thought I would; I know how to slip cast, operate kilns, wire up light fittings, how to use a torsion viscometer, mix glaze, glaze spray ceramics, and know what on earth a torsion viscometer is.
I also get to do some amazing stuff inside and out of work, such as…
A candid from a studio shoot we did recently
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Pottery Novice:
One of the perks of the studio is basically free use of the workshop outside of work hours, and I have taken full advantage of this, taking up pottery over the last couple of years.
Ceramics is actually in my blood – my gran used to be a pretty incredible potter (photos of some of her stuff below). I was always fascinated by what she crafted and tried a couple times when I was a lot younger. However, despite her saying I had a natural affinity with clay, I never really got too into it as a child. My gran sadly passed away last year, just before I started outputting anything I could really show her, so she never really got to see any of the stuff I can now make, which is something that still saddens me when I think of her.
I’m still very early in my ceramics progress, but proud to say I can make something that can hold a plant or a cup of coffee, and that is victory enough for me (at least for now). Pottery is probably something I now spend the largest chunk of my free time doing. I love it for a number of reasons: it’s calming, creative, productive, and I love being able to give something physical I made to people.
I will say though, it’s incredibly addicting, mainly because it’s so difficult to master – whatever you make, it’s never good enough and you feel like you need to practice more and more to make anything ‘worthy’. I try not to get too caught up in that and appreciate the ride, but I definitely need to check myself from time to time to be proud of what I can do.
The slow progress I’ve made so far
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Music Nerd:
I still listen to a lot of music, all the time, and am secretly very proud of the reputation I have in some groups of being a music nerd and just great recommender of tracks.
I’m always keen for hearing any recommendations you have for me and always down to chat music at ANY point.
I’m very keen and very likely to make a bunch of blog posts about music. In the meantime, the best place to check out what I’m listening to is by checking out my ‘Check ‘Em’ playlist, which I will update semi-regularly with songs that are generally in my rotation at that moment. I haven’t actually updated it in about 4 years, but it’s about time it made a comeback.
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I’m also a purposeful vinyl man, with a small but gradually expanding collection. I struggle with the consumption and artist value dilemma that comes with streaming, but it just seems so helpful in discovering new music, as well as listening/sharing music socially (e.g. playing Spotify Blends of all of us at work, sending friends music, etc.). Vinyls for me are then the physical collection of albums I truly love, whilst also getting to support artists, at least partially, better.
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Christian:
I’ve been a Chrisso, giving it up to the big JC, for the last 14 years. My journey as a Christian has definitely been that, a journey. I feel like my faith has mostly (not always) been pretty solid. However, the last 7 or so years, I’ve seen a real change in how I live out my life, in response to my faith. As I’ve developed and grown as a person generally through my 20s, I’ve seen a reflection of that in my faith too.
To my non-Christian pals, wherever you stand on faith, I’d say I probably get it. My faith is not without my questions, doubts and frustration, and I’m fairly certain some of the grievances you have with religion and ‘the church’, I probably share. It’s a dense topic that I can, and have, spoken about it for hours on end. I’m always open to chat faith, but just a warning that I don’t have all the answers, just my own understanding so far.
I have the absolute joy of helping lead my church’s youth group, which I honestly love. I’ve done youth work in some capacity for the last 11 years – young people are so incredible and give me so much hope for this world. I love being able to help them navigate questions on life, give them tools to help them critically understand what they believe or don’t believe, and honestly just have a great laugh.
Also, sometimes I’m found at the front of a church with a mic and guitar, or for some reason they let me run my mouth with my Christian ‘wisdom’, speaking at the odd service or event.
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Gamer:
Still an epic gamer in my evenings and weekends, playing all manner of stuff, both nostalgic and new. Steadily transitioned from Console to a PC gamer, but still dabble a bit with my Switch and whatever Game Pass has to offer.
Top games in my general rotation at the moment:
- Baldur’s Gate 3
- Hitman
- Chess
- Valorant (getting absolutely wrecked by French teenagers)
- CIV 7 (still not over 6, but getting there)
- Balatro
- Counter Strike (getting absolutely wrecked by middle-aged Europeans)
- Pokémon (always, forever)
- Dipping my toe back in Runescape for the nostalgia (Old School, of course)
Other than that, give me an indie dev cosy game and I’ve got my evening sorted.
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Half-Orc Artificer:
Just as I was leaving teaching, I was invited to join a D&D group with some mates I worked with. Having always been curious about it, and keen to keep up regularly with my old colleagues, I joined. 3 years down the line and we’re still going strong, meeting every Tuesday evening, dice rolling the night away.
Wasn’t sure how I’d feel about D&D, but I absolutely love it. People who have played before, you’ll get it. Friends that haven’t, I don’t think I can quite accurately explain the experience, or the story me and my friends have told. The best way I could explain it is, me and some mates have spent 3 years, telling an epic akin to Lord of the Rings, each with our own characters, and nobody else will be able to experience that story ever again. To answer the one key question though, no we don’t dress up.
I currently play a Level 15 Half-Orc Artificer called Brun, who is the character I originally created. We are still in our first campaign, which is wild to think about it, probably having spent around 300/350 hours in this story together. It has become a staple part of our week and, despite now only half of us working for the college, we still see each other every Tuesday.
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How am I?
In a word, tired.
The last couple years or so have felt like a bit of a bombardment from life; road blocks, curveballs thrown, setbacks and various strains on my wellbeing have left me a little exhausted.
Physically, my health has taken a few hits – at the start of this year, I began developing chronic fatigue/exhaustion, which has been slowly worsening throughout the year, as well as the migraines I’ve suffered the last decade becoming more frequent and more severe. Generally, I never feel fully awake and, on more severe days, I’m unable to stay awake or get out of bed. I’ve been seeing doctors and specialists to work out what’s wrong with me and they’ve been really proactive in getting tests and scans done, but nothing definitive has been found so far.
It’s frustratingly affected my ability to exercise; I’ve had to stop two massive loves of my life, running and walking (which is why they are no longer on my list of things I’m doing) and had to drop out some running events this year that I was really excited for; I’ve put on weight and lost a lot of muscle, resurfacing a dormant back injury; also to be honest, it’s actually just a little bit scary to dwell on.
It’s ended up affecting my work and, by May this year, I was missing 1-2 days a week of work. This also made life quite difficult financially. That and my car breaking down twice this year. I am now without and unable to buy a new car – I’m perpetually borrowing my dad’s until I can afford a new one. Compounded with health problems that seem impossible to diagnose, and some other struggles at the moment, solutions and reprieves are still feeling a little out of reach.
My contender for worst day of my year was when my car broke down on the way to a time-sensitive hospital appointment (which I missed), the day before I was supposed to drive to Scotland for my first holiday in 2 years. To be honest, life has begun feeling continually more and more impossible to tackle, each new thing feeling a little more hopeless. There have been a number of moments crying out to God in the car (that I don’t own) for some relief.
But I haven’t quite reached breaking point yet, and I’m so thankful for the support I do have in my life. In each of these moments, I’ve seen how blessed I am to have the people around me that I do; my incredible parents taking me to hospital appointments, lending me a car, offering endless home dinners and providing a feeling of safety in a storm of uncertainty; friends who want to hear me rant my nonsense, who bring moments of joy and escape, who offer me places to stay to take a break from life; my bosses giving me flexibility in my work to accommodate my health; my mate/landlord checking in on me, giving me space but being available, always down for a gaming sesh. Without these people, I honestly don’t know if I’d have weathered the storm this long.
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Why Am I?
I don’t really know at the moment to be honest, probably could say I’m feeling a bit lost and on a search for purpose right now. In terms of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I’ve got a few bits to sort out before I start tackling self-actualisation again.
In the Summer, when I finally reached Scotland, I visited my old church and had a brief chat with my old mentor in Glasgow, whose first question for me was ‘So what season are you in at the moment?’. What a question! It caught me off-guard, and in that moment I wasn’t able to succinctly answer it, explaining the mess that was my life, other than to say ‘As of this week, I think the start of a season of recovery’.
4 months later, and I feel that I’m firmly in that season. I can’t directly see the ladder out of the crevasse, and each step forward still feels like I’m losing my footing, but I feel like somewhere in the faint distance is a light for me to follow. I feel like a season of change is ahead, where recovery becomes progress. For now, my only goal is to survive until then.
Joe B-Logs 